It’s November 4th. Now what?

I woke up at 5:30 this morning after an awkward and uneasy sleep. I think I woke up twice to check election updates. This despite knowing that we won’t know the results for a minute.

I got the dog up and we went for our morning walk and as the red and orange hues of the sun rose over a line of trees I had one thought.

Now what?

Starting from the day after the 2016 election many of us anticipated (read worried about) election day 2020.

In the course of this anticipation, I can safely assume, none of us considered the possibility of a global pandemic that would literally stop the world in its tracks. We did not anticipate secluding ourselves from our loved ones, our coworkers, and our general way of living as a means to avoid a deadly plague.

Nor did we anticipate a sudden, white-hot (pun intended) interest in social justice issues, most notably that of police brutality and murder. We did not anticipate Black Lives being the cause du jour to the extent that white folks would be shouting down Karens while corporations sent a deluge of “We believe that Black Lives Matter” emails.

We did not anticipate the protests and ensuing clashes that would take place all across the country as people fought to either uphold or dismantle systems that, depending on what intersectional corner they stood on, benefited or disenfranchised them.

We weren’t prepared for the chaos that would surround the 2020 Presidential election.

We did (or didn’t) do what was necessary. That moment has passed even if the result has not been determined.

Now what?

As we find ourselves at that moment between what was and what will be there is a stillness that allows us to breathe (hopefully).

Personally, my pre-wife (I hate the word fiancé) and I are trying to figure out how to responsibly celebrate our pending marriage in a pandemic. How do you celebrate a union in a time where the expression of love requires distance?

I’m thinking about the brother I haven’t seen since New Year’s day who I won’t likely see until well into 2021. I’m thinking about my parents whom I haven’t seen in years (a story for another day) whom I was set to reunite with. First for my father’s birthday in May and again for my mother’s birthday in October. Both trips canceled for their safety.

I’m thinking about my son and new daughter (She’s not actually new. She’s thirteen. My pre-wife’s daughter from her previous marriage. Blended families are a joy, But, again, another story for another day). I’m thinking about their educations and their sanity as they navigate an era that not even their parents fully understand. What does this all mean for them in the years to come?

All of this coming back to that question.

What now?

For me, now is coffee. Now is therapy. Now is getting back to creative expression. Now is hugging the people inside my bubble while yearning to touch those outside of it.

For you? I don’t know. But this moment between what was and what will be is a moment to figure that out.

The world will keep on spinning. Tomorrow will come. And the truth is that much of it will not be pleasant.

Election day will not save us. There is no eutopic ending.

We are still in the midst of a pandemic and there will always be social injustices. But for those of you (us) who hinged so much of our bandwidth on last night’s events take a moment and ask yourself a simply complex question.

Now what?

Know that it’s ok to not know.

Know that it’s ok for the answers to be moment to moment.

Now?

Now I’m going to have some breakfast. Probably leftovers. I’m going to clean up a bit if for no other reason than to feel like I accomplished something. Then I’m going to begin to plan for the coming year knowing full well that what I know today could be completely different tomorrow because as my then four-year-old son once told me.

“It’s going to be now soon.”